Friends and MySpace

Wow, 2 entries back to back! I guess I feel like writing. Anywho, I've been thinking about MySpace lately, and about these blogs. I've never kept a diary or anything, and lately I've been posting a lot here. I've always been one to work things out myself and only talk to people about it if I really need advice, and a lot of the times it's just to hear myself say it. You know? Just talking stuff out helps. It seems like MySpace has become a little outlet for me, a diary type place I can write about stuff, how my day was, and keep a log of some of the things I did I can look back on and say "oh yeah!!" if I forget.

But then the difference with MySpace is that everyone can see it. It makes it really weird, because I may want to say something but then I would hold back because of who may be reading.

I think lately I've finally come to the realization that I am off on my own now. No more going back home for summer vacation, no more winter break, no more spring break, no more school. Just me in the real world. I know my parents are there to help me along and everything, and I've got some great friends that I know will be there too (hopefully for life) but it's just...... scary. I think it was because I just got my first big check from my first real job. It was the biggest check I had ever gotten, and realizing every last bit of it will go to pay rent was a wake up call. Since this transition from student to working stiff is new, what I do now can affect everything I do later. So it's been a period of reflection of what the future has to offer, and now is my chance to mold it into what I want it to be.

That being said, I've been thinking a lot about the people I know. People that I call aquatence, the people I call friend, and the people I know I will always be friends with for the rest of my life. I don't mean to sound rude or like a terrible person or anything (see, the only reason I wrote that is for the people reading, if it were a true diary, I would never have said that) but I feel like now is the chance I get to choose whom I want in my life and who can get left by the wayside.

It's like one of those things where you started off as their friend and slowly but surely, you realize the way you work and the way they work is very different. Your views and their views clash, and there are just certain things about them you can't stand. One of those people that when you talk to them, they say something, and when you reply, they don't pay attention, they're just waiting to say what they want again (and sometimes they don't wait.) I have very few pet peeves, but damn! I can't stand people that don't pay attention to you or wait your turn to talk! I know sometimes I may jump in at inapropriate times in a conversation, but I usually just stop to be polite and et them finish, or consciencly remember what they were saying and ask them to go back to it. Anyway, the hard part is you're pretty sure they don't feel the same way about your friendship. And also, you may have mutual friends, so you can never truly just drift apart, which is what I want to do. Don't worry people reading this, I can guarantee it's not you just by the fact you're reading this. So the tricky thing is what to do. You want this person to move on and do their own thing, but that probably won't happen. I could go into soooooo much more detail, and I really feel like blowing off steam, but this isn't the place to do it.

So much reflection lately, so much thinking. It feels like my head is going to explode. It's so damn scary too. But damn, it's sure is exciting! One quote that I always keep in mind when I'm feeling a bit down or overwhelmed is from the very last Calvin and Hobbes strip. At the time it came out, I thought it was stupid. But the more I have thought about it, the more I believe it and the more true it has become:

"It's a wonderful world Hobbes ol' friend. Lets go exploring."

That's what I feel like I'm doing, exploring this wonderful place....